Gandalf the Grey is sick of being a wizard and escapes to other movies.
- the Amazing Spider-Man
- Harry Potter
- Star Wars
- the Dark Knight (the Batman movie)
- Steven Spielberg's Lincoln
- Disney's Wreck-It Ralph
- The Adventures of TaunTaun
- Potions 11
- Dark Knight at the Museum
- The Perks of Being a Wallcrawler
- Gandalf the Grey
- Bilbo Baggins
- Professor Dumbledore (mentioned only)
- Darth Vader
- Harry Potter
- Eve Moneypenny
- Lincoln Guy
- Bilbo in Lincoln
- Man #1
- Man #2
- Wreck-It Ralph
- Fix-It Felix Jr.
(Scene: Moria, in the early years of the War of the Rings. Gandalf the Grey, member of the Fellowship, battles against the Balrog, Durin's Bane, deep in the Mines of Moria, staff in his left hand, the sword Glamdring in his right.)
Gandalf as narrator: Hi, I'm Gandalf. There I am, in the Lord of the Rings movies, of which there were three.
Gandalf in movie: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
(Gandalf lifts his staff and smites it on the bridge, sending the Balrog falling down to the lava. Cut to Gandalf, during the Quest to Erebor, looking tired from his long sojourn, no doubt from all his years as Wizard, coming across a trio of Ogres below him.)
Gandalf as narrator: And now, I'm about to do three Hobbit movies, of which there will be three.
Gandalf in movie: (Fatigued) You shall not pass... or turn to stone or... whatever.
(With another smite of his staff, Gandalf turns the three unlucky Ogres into stone)
(Cut to Sequels Anonymous. Attending the meeting is Darth Vader of Star Wars, Gandalf, of whom he needs no introduction, Harry Potter of his namesake series, Spider-Man and Batman.)
Gandalf: And then, I was in those eight Harry Potter movies.
Harry Potter: I'm-- pretty sure that wasn't you.
Gandalf: Oh yeah, that was me. I was Dumbledore.
Harry Potter: I don't think--
Gandalf: Point is I'm sick of holding my staff and yelling at monsters! I'm sick of being a wizard, and I want to be in other movies!
(In an act of cinematic defiance, throwing his staff down the ground, Gandalf jumps out of the silver screen like it was 3D, giving the audience a scare, and storms off to begin his quest throughout the movie realm. Cue title card on the screen.)
[Title card: Wreck It Gandalph]
MOVIE ONE: JAMES BOND: SKYFALL
Sévérine: Pleased to meet you, Mister...
Gandalf: The name is Dalf. Gandalf.
Man #2: Why is Dumbledore in the James Bond movie?
Man #1: I'm think that's Gandalf!
Man #2: I'm pretty sure they're the same person.
(Scene cuts to a train action scene. Thanks to his battle experience, Agent Gandalf pummels the minions easy as pie, kicking one off the train, giving another a knuckle sandwich, and introducing one on his six to his backhand.)
Gandalf: This is great! I don't care if any monsters want to pass!
(Just then, Bilbo climbs up)
Gandalf: Bilbo?! What are you doing here?!
Bilbo: Gandalf, you got to come back to the Hobbit. If you don't, they'll stop screening it!
Gandalf: (sighing) I guess you're right, Bilbo. (Checks watch) TAKE THE SHOT!
(Eve Moneypenny takes aim and snipes Bilbo off the train. The unlucky hobbit falls into the river with a soft drip, screaming.)
Gandalf: Gotta go!
(His work in the realm of James Bond done, Gandalf jumps out of the screen, leaving the audience booing in disappointment)
Man #1: I didn't know this movie was in 3D!
Man #2: We're not even wearing glasses!
MOVIE TWO: LINCOLN
Guy: Mr. Lincoln, your hat. (Hands the hat to Gandalf)
Gandalf: Hmmm. Could be a little pointier. (Modifies the hat in the likeness of his wizard's hat)
Guy: Now I would like to introduce the men who are going to secure the votes we need: Mr. Lafin, and Mr. Bilbo.
Gandalf: Aaah! Bilbo! ... Wait, you're not my Bilbo. You're a funny weird man. (Mustache droops. Thunder strikes as Bilbo Baggins shows up out the window) THAT'S my Bilbo. Aaah! Bilbo!
Bilbo: Gandalf, you've got to go back. Without you, the movie's just a bunch of Dwarves!
Gandalf: Get out of here, Bilbo! You're the worst. (Mr. Bilbo walks away) Wait, not you! I like you! ... Well, if he's out, (Drops hat and jumps out of the screen...) I'm out, too! (... to the rioting of the disappointed audience) Huh?
Audience: GO BACK TO THE HOBBIT!
(Gandalf leaves out of the room with a sign above saying "WRECK IT GANDALPH 7:30" and two trash cans next to the door, then Gandalf runs to Ralph, who's struggling to get out to his game)
Gandalf: You've gotta hide me, they want me to go back to my movie.
Wreck-It Ralph: You've gotta hide me! They will meet me to go back to my video game.
Gandalf: If only there was a way to... (Both gasp, video game beep)
MOVIE THREE: THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY
Wreck-It Ralph: I'm gonna wreck it! (With his mighty fists pounding, Wreck-It Ralph crushes the cliff, burying the Ogres under rubble.)
Man #1: What is going on here?!
Man #2: First, bearded James Bond walks out of the movie and never comes back, (The bathroom. The other guy washes his hands.) then in Lincoln, the president disappears halfway through, (The arcade. The guy pops a quarter into the game) and finally, we come toThe Hobbit and Dumbledore isn't even in it!
Man #1: You mean Gandalf?
Man #2: THEY'RE THE SAME PERSON! ... What the--?!
(Cut to the screen, with pixelized Fix-It Felix Jr. facing a pixelized Gandalf)
Fix-It Felix Jr.: I'm gonna fix it!
Gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT FIX IT!
(One smite of the staff later, BOOM goes the arcade machine, leaving behind debris and a scorched Gandalf lying down.)
Bilbo: Well, I hope you're happy! Now you've been in other movies and on MAD.
Gandalf: MAD?! (groans) (slaps forehead) There's just no winning here, is there?
(Video game music plays as the segment ends)
- This is the first time Disney's Wreck-It Ralph showed up.
- This is the third time The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey showed up. The first was the MADvent Calendar from the start of Fantastic Four Christmases / Red & White Collar and the second was Hip Hop Hobbit / The Monday Project.
- Vanellope von Schweetz, Sergeant Calhoun, and everyone else from the actual film do not appear in this sketch... not even a Cy-Bug!
- In the two scenes where Bilbo appears, music from Outtagascar is heard.
- Sequels Anonymous is a parody of Bad-Anon: One Game at a Time from Disney's Wreck-It Ralph.
- These three movies in this segment represent the video games in Disney's Wreck-It Ralph:
- The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey = Fix-It Felix Jr.
- James Bond's 23rd film, Skyfall = Hero's Duty
- Steven Spielberg's Lincoln = Sugar Rush
- Antagonist: Balrog, Ogres, Minions on the Train, Eve Moneypenny
- Eve Moneypenny doesn't speak in this sketch.
- Although Bilbo is Gandalf's friend and secondary protagonist, he speaks to his father about going back to the world of The Hobbit.
- Gandalf didn't appear in the Harry Potter movies, especially not as Dumbledore. He was protrayed by Richard Harris (1-2) Michael Gambon (3-7 part 2) whilst Gandalf was played by Ian McKellen in both trilogies.