The wrestling superstars of WWE know a thing or two about breaking bones, but how are they at mending them?
- Jerry Lawler
- Michael Cole
- Triple H
- Alicia Fox
- Eve Torres
- Dwayne Johnson
- Kofi Kingston
- Dublin, Ireland
- Big Show
- Jack Swagger
- the Undertaker
- Jerry Squaller
- Michael Dull
- Quadruple H
- Alicia Crox
- Coffee Blingston
- Hector Gonzales
- Big Schmo
- Jerk Swagger
- The Blundertaker
- Dr. Bronson (Mentioned by Evil)
(The scene begins at a typical scene in the Operation Room... though the doctor treating the paitent is anything but typical.)
Surgeon: Scalpel. Clamp. Chair. RRRAAH! (Slams the chair on the paitent)
Paitent: (Seeing birds) What kind of hospital is this?
(WWE music plays.)
Jerry Squaller: Strap yourself to a gourney and prepare to be mis-diagnosed, because this is the WWER!
(Title card screen appears. "WWER" is onscreen, then explosion.)
Michael Dull: Now last week in the WWER, we saw Quadruple H give a quadruple-bypass!
(Quadruple H is oblivious to the fact he's sawing on thin air... with the patient down here.)
Paitent 2: Uh, I'm down here!
Jerry Squaller: The feud between Alica Crox and Evil heated up!
Evil: I saw you making out with Dr. Bronson! Keep your meathooks off!
Alica Crox: I'll show you "meathooks"!
(Crox grabs Evil by the hair and snap-slams her a faceful right into the wall, knocking her down. "OH SNAP!" appears.)
Michael Dull: And Coffee Blingston saves another life!
(Coffee give his patient a Boomdrop. Ouch!)
Paitent 3: Ohhhh....
Michael Dull: Boomdrop!
Jerry Squaller: Right now let's check out the action in Room 8476! Patient: Hector Gonzales!
Nurse: You have nothing to worry about, Mr. Gonzales. The doctor performing your appendectomy is a REAL SUPERSTAR!
(ER music plays, and shows Lameus.)
Announcer: Making his way to the ER from Dublin, Ireland. Weighing at 267 pounds, LAMEUS!
Lameus: I'm gonna rip out yer appendix!
Hector Gonzales: Is that covered under my insurance? (Lameus stares at Hector)
Lameus: Anesthesiologist, knock him out.
(On Lameus' command, the anesthesiologist nurse brings her hammer down on Hector... but before the hammer connects, the frame freezes. "ANESTHETIZED" appears.)
Jerry Squaller: Now it's the moment we've all been waiting for. The main event of the night.
("Cage Match" card appears.)
Jerry Squaller: A steel cage operation between old time rivals: the Big Schmo and Jerk Swagger. I don't know about you, but I'm on the edge of my bedpan.
Big Schmo: Jerk Swagger, you don't know the difference between the patriot and a pancake.
Jerk Swagger: Yeah, you couldn't treat a papercut in a bandage factory.
Big Schmo: Yeah, well-- (Big Schmo looks down at a dead patient) Uh oh.
Jerry Squaller: Looks like all that time expand talking smack cost them another patient.
Michael Dull: What's this? Who could it be?
Jerry Squaller: Oh my goodness! It's the Blundertaker.
Blundertaker: I'm here to take out the trash.
Jerry Squaller: That's the time we have here for tonight on the WWER. Goodnight and Ohhh....
Michael Dull: Boomdrop!
- The fanfare that plays during The Blundertaker's on-screen appearance is the same tune from The Underwaker.
- Antagonists: WWER Wrestlers (except the Blundertaker) and Hosts
- The hospital is the same one from Mouse M.D.
- This is the 10th segment that the name of a MAD parody is said. The previous segments were: