[Scene begins with Optimus Prime spinning]
Optimus Prime: I am Optimus Prime and I send this message to all Autobots. If you need to refuge, or just a place to crash for a few days, you can--
Sam Witwicky: Optimus! Stop inviting giant robots to stay at my house.
Optimus Prime: I didn't invite any robots.
Sam Witwicky: Really? I don't remember buying 7 new cars and parking them in my living room.
Cars: [Backing out] Escuse us, I'll just leave, Adios, Oh boy.
[Radio turns into a transformer and breaks oranges and plant.]
[Radio Transformer runs to Sam and pulls down his pants.]
Radio Transformer: [laughs]
Sam Witwicky: All right, that's it. You know, you need to get out of here. It was fine when you were saving the earth and all but it's--
Optimus Prime: What's that? The Decepticons are up to something really, really important this time. They want the uh.. [Looks at Dwayne Johnson poster] Rock of.. [Looks at Ke$ha poster] No Talent-Tron. Legend says its in some exotic place, maybe Paris. I always wanted to go to Paris.
Sam Witwicky: Go by yourself. I'm not helping you chase down another random robo-trinket.
[TV turns into a transformer and grabs Sam.]
Sam Witwicky: Fine. How are we getting to Paris?
Optimus Prime: By the power of your dad's wallet.
Sam Witwicky: Uhh. This is getting kind of boring.
(Title Card: Trans-Bore-Mores)
[Accordion Plays and scene goes to Optimus and Sam in Paris]
Sam Witwicky: Ok. Do I really need to pay for your flights. I mean, He's a jet for crying out loud.
Optimus Prime: Autobots, roll out! Seek good souvenirs and fine cheeses.
Sam Witwicky: And the Rock of No-Talent Tron. Right?
Optimus Prime: Sure. Why not?
[Remy climbs on the table and pulls out a bill]
Optimus Prime: [Clears throat]
Sam Witwicky: [Groans]
[Scene changes to Hawaii with Hawaiian music playing]
Sam Witwicky: So the Eiffel Tower told you the rock is at my parents' time share in Hawaii?
Optimus Prime: He's one of our most trusted elders, Sam. We don't question it.
[Sips on coconut drink]
Sam Witwicky: Speaking of "we", who are these guys? Are they even Trans-Bore-Mores? I mean, I think he's just a car.
Mater: Tater salad.
Sam Witwicky: And that's just a guy doing the robot.
[Alfred E. Neuman does the robot with hip hop music playing]
Optimus Prime: Sam, two worlds at risk, trust is the most precious resource. Are you with us?
Sam Witwicky: Sure.
Optimus Prime: Great. Be a pal and get me another coconut mist, will you?
Sam Witwicky: All right, forget it. We're going home.
[Scene changes back at Sam's house, which is having a party with robots while disco music plays]
Sam Witwicky: How did they get in my house?
Optimus Prime: Maybe they found the key under the mat.
Sam Witwicky: There is no key under the mat.
Optimus Prime: Then it's probably that giant hole in your wall.
[Scene changes to a Robot-like hole appearing in the wall, Sam's eyes open wide]
Sam Witwicky: OK, everyone and everything that is a robot, get out.
[Sam's desk, lamp and couch turn into transformers and leave too]
Random Robot: Bye-bye.
Random Robot 2: Let's go over to Voltron's.
Megatron: Hey, bro, thanks for letting me borrow your "Iron Giant" DVD. I really--
Optimus Prime: Chill, man. there's a human here.
Megatron: Oh, sorry, I mean, prepare to die, Prime! [Eyes shine]
Optimus Prime: You'll never win, Megatron!
[Both Transformers go to each other.]
[TING. TING. PLINK.]
Megatron: Yeah, you beat me. See ya.
[Megatron walks out through the kitchen's wall making another hole in the wall.]
Optimus Prime: Wow. That was close. Good thing you're letting us live among you, or else he would have captured the magical tree of--
Sam Witwicky: I thought it was a rock.
Optimus Prime: Huh?
(Title Card: Trans-Bore-Mores)
Boy: (While falling) ...AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Oof.
Announcer: Let's say you've eaten a large Mexican meal before a long drive home. There's a crap for that.
BHHT! (Through the ePhonie)
Announcer: Or you have one of those bathrooms that's within earshot of the people sitting in the living room. There is a crap for that.
BHHT! (Through the bathroom)
Announcer: Or you go to a birthday party and discover you shouldn't be having dairy. Well, there is a crap for that too.
BHHT! (Through the ePhonie again)
Announcer: Yep, there is a crap for just about anything. The new ePhonie. It's all crap.
BHHHHHHHHHHHT! (Through the screen after the title.)
Announcer: And now it's time for Ask a Celebrity.
Mila: Dear Miley Cyrus, Do you do anything special to prepare for a big show? -Mila, California
Miley Cyrus: To insure an electric performance, I rub cats on my feet and walk on a wool carpet.
Zeb: Dear Simon Cowell, Why are you always so grouchy? -Zeb, Colorado
Simon Cowell: Because my shoes are made of porcupines.
Zeb: But why are the porcupines so grouchy?
Porcupine: Because we got Simon Cowell on our backs.
Scott: Dear Shaun White, How did you get your hair so long? -Scott, Long Island
Shaun White: Every morning I start fresh by putting putty dough in my chest and lowering my arms.
[Enter MAD News.]
MAD News Anchor: We interupt this program with breaking news. An octopus is trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
Octopus: (Grunts while trying to open the jar of peanut butter)
MAD News Anchor: Peanut butter, is it worth it? We now return you to your regularly scheduled program!
Dog: (Waves tounge out)
Narrator: What if you met someone who walked, talked, and looked just like you... but wasn't you?
Brother #1: Who are you?
Brother #1 & #2: *Gasp*
Mom: He's your brother, you idiot!
Narrator: It's the season premiere of How I Met My Brother!
Brother #1 & #2: AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!
Brother #1: You do look a lot like me.
Dad: You're twin brothers, What don't you guys understand?
Narrator: And it's a special day for everyone.
Mom and Dad: Happy Birthday
Brother #2: It's my birthday!
Brother #1: It can't be. It's my birthday!
Brother #2: Am I in some kind of alternate reality?
Brother #1: *blinks*
Mom and Dad: You're brothers!
Brother #1 & #2: We're what?
Brother #1 & #2: We're what?
Narrator: How I Met My Brother...Is canceled.
Announcer: Jargle: It kills the germs that cause bad breath.
Germ: (Pretending to Die and making dying noises)
Man: Ah, thank you. We-we'll call you.
Germ: I don't know what you people want man, that's exactaly what it sounds like when a germ gets killed. Ah, I didn't go to four years of Juiliar for nothing.
Wolverine: Has this ever happened to you?
Wolverine: Hi, I'm Wolverine and if their's one thing I hate, is cleaners that don't do their jobs. That's why I designed The Wolverclean. A revolutionary new glove that'll make fighting dirt extra easy. With its three grime-fighting attachment, you'll be able to scrub...
Aah! Take the car, man! Don't hurt me!
Wolverine: But don't just take my word for it, listen to these true believers.
Iron Man: I love it. My armor's the shiniest it has ever been.
Mr. Fantastic: It's fantastic. The Wolverclean got into areas even I couldn't reach.
Magneto: I hate it, it punctured my armor and nearly sliced my arm off. Wait that was Wolverine. What did you say? The Wolverclean? Oh, oh, oh I love the Wolverclean.
Wolverine: Plus, if you decide to keep it, I'll send you the Wolversteam. It can get out all of your toughest stains.
Wolverine: Remember, I'm the best at what I do and what I do is clean your house. The Wolverclean, on sale now.
Alien 1: Hey, this is kinda awkward to ask, but... why did you de-friend me on Spacenook?
Alien 2: Well, because you wrote "BLOODEEDOODEEDOOWAHA!" on my wall. Dude, my mom reads my wall.
Boy: (Trying to squeeze zit making squeaking sounds)
(Zit pops and out comes a lot of gross stuff)
(Black Spy pushes a big stick of dynamite in back of White Spy. White Spy cuts of the light fo the dynamite.)
White Spy: (Laughs)
(But a lion comes out of it and attacks White Spy)
White Spy: Aaah!
Black Spy: (Laughs)
Batman Alarm Clock
(Alarm clock beeps)
Batman: (Grunts and moves in bed)
(Batman turns off clock and goes back to sleep)
Batman: Five more minutes
[Title Card: Star Wars: the Groan Wars]
[WHEN USING A FAX, DOCUMENTS SHOULD BE PLACED FACING UP]
Announcer: Bounty hunters, enemy fighters and fancy CGI can't save these characters from looking just as wooden as Pinocchio...
[Pinnocchio picture appears]
Announcer: ... Who, on a secret mission, leads the Jedi against the evil Count Poo Poo.
Count Poo Poo: You have learned much, Master Occhio.
Pinocchio: I'm full of surprises, Poo Poo.
[Pinocchio's nose turns big and into a lightsaber]
Count Poo Poo: I take it that's a lie.
[Pinocchio and Count Poo Poo duel]
[Count Poo Poo slashes Pinocchio's lines, and down goes Gepetto's puppet]
[Scene goes to Geppetto]
Geppetto: [With Italian Accent] Ah, no, Pinocchio! Why you no have more midi-chlorinis?
[Scene goes back to Pinocchio, who is lying down, and Count Poo Poo]
[two droids appear at door]
Count Poo Poo: Take him away. Then give Poo Poo a nice diagonal wipe.
[Right on cue, scene goes to Obi-Wan Kenobi with two clones]
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Rex, we've got to get those plans.
Spot: Yeah, I'm actually Spot. That's Rex.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Oh sorry, Spot.
Checkers: Actually, I'm Checkers.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ugh. I hate working with clones.
[Obi cuts the door with his lightsaber in Ghostbusters logo style]
[The door goes down]
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Give it up, Poo Poo. Your army is on its last legs.
Count Poo Poo: [playing pool... with his lightsaber] Says who?
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Well, for starters, that last battle droid is just a repurposed Spell & Check.
Spell & Check: Spell "Coruscant". C--
[Spell & Check's face gets shot off]
Count Poo Poo: This is where Poo Poo starts to run.
[Poo Poo runs away under blaster fire]
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Manakin, Poo Poo's escaping.
[Scene goes to Manakin and Sudoku]
Sudoku: Yes, Master?
Manakin: Prepare to catch Poo Poo.
Sudoku: Ughh. I hate his name, but I love lasagna.
Bad Name: Wait 'til you get a load of me.
Sudoku: ... I think the gardener's here.
Bad Name: I'm the bounty hunter known as Bad Name.
Manakin: I'm guessing "Bad Outfit" was already taken.
Bad Name: [Mocking] "I'm guessing Bad Outfit was already taken!"
Manakin: Old Jedi mind trick.
Bad Name: It wasn't a Jedi mind trick. I was clearly mocking you. But I am free for landscaping and general lawn care. No? Not interested? Then die!
[Bad Name starts to fight Manakin and Sudoku]
[Scene goes to Poo Poo running and talking to Palpatine who appears as a hologram.]
Palpatine: What's the news, Poo Poo?
Count Poo Poo: Actually, you're in the potato salad.
Palpatine: What?! Oh, gross. [Splat] Did you g-get the plan?
Count Poo Poo: Uh. My lord, you seem to be breaking up a bit.
Palpatine: [In real life] Huh? Oh, sorry. I'm... microwaving a burrito.
Count Poo Poo: Not to worry, my lord. Soon, the entire galaxy will be yours to rule.
Palpatine: [Back to hologram] Rule? Who wants to rule it? I want to own it. You have any idea what the toy rights are worth?
Count Poo Poo: Then what are these plans for?
Palpatine: Duh. An amusement park!
[Scene goes to Palpatine dancing with techno beat near Six Fetts Star Wars Mountain.]
Count Poo Poo: But what about the Senate and the--
Palpatine: Blah, blah, blah. That's a day job. The real money's in marketing. Luckily, my other clone army has been much more productive.
Count Poo Poo: What "other clone army"?
[Scene goes back to the trio of Sudoku, Manakin, and Obi-Wan]
Manakin: Oh, no. Look. (Scene goes to George clone army) Georgetroopers.
Georgetrooper: You, take their lightsabers. You, create a video game. You, make an animated sitcom. I want a bounty hunter clothing line by the end of the week.
Mannequin: I've got a bad feeling about this.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: You and the rest of the universe.
George Lucas: (Talking to a droid) Take 'em away.
Droid: Roger roger.
Buster: Actually, that's Roger. I'm Buster.
Sparky: No, I'm Sparky.
Sudoku: Ughh... I hate mondays!
[Scene ends with Palpatine dancing at bottom right corner with techno beat playing.]
(From The Zit)
(Boy keeps squeezing zit making squeaking sounds)