There is only one man tough enough to run the Office, and that is Wolverine from the X-Men!
- the Office
- Westchester County
- Jean Grey
- "That's what she said" Quote
- James Duncan "Jim" Halpert
- Pamela Morgan "Pam" Halpert
- Joleen MaryAnn "Jo" Bennett
- Andrew "Andy" Baines Bernard
- Oscar Jual Paul Martinez
- Ryan Bailey Howard
- Phyllis Margaret Vance
- Kelly Rajnigandha Kapoor
- Dwight Kurt Schrute III
- Jean Grey
- Meredith Elizabeth Palmer
- Angela Noelle Martin
- Stanley James Hudson
(Scene starts with the cast of the Office sitting in chairs. Also in the background we can hear telephones ringing.)
(Jim walks in the room)
Jim Halpert: What's going on?
Pamela Morgan: Video conference.
Jo Bennett: (On monitor) Sit down, Jim. I've got some news. Ever since Michael left, we haven't found a suitable replacement, so I'm merging you guys with the Westchester Office.
(The people start to wonder and get worry. Also the scene zooms on Andy Bernard)
Jo Bennett: Their team leader seems like a good fit.
Oscar Martinez: I didn't know there was a Westchester branch.
(Somebody claws the door from the outside and then breaks it to reveal Wolverine... the beginning of a mutant mess in the office!)
Wolverine: There's a lot you don't know, bud, which is why we're slashing jobs.
(Wolverine picks up Oscar and throws him out the window)
Oscar Martinez: Uh. Ahh!
(Scene goes to Pamela and Jim looking scared while Wolverine is breathing)
(Scene goes to Jim Halpert in an alone room)
Jim Halpert: I can't wait to see what they're gonna call this mess.
(The scene goes around to see the setting of the place while the theme song plays)
(Wolverine inside his office slides a trophy of himself on the desk)
(Scene then goes to a sign with a man and another man in a wheelchair and then to the title card "The Clawfice" with Wolverine slashing it once)
Wolverine: Everybody, meet the Westchester Team.
(Scene goes to the X-Men team)
Jim Halpert: The X-Men? You guys sell paper, too?
Storm: Uh, it's called Xavier's School for the Gifted. Selling paper just happens to be one of our "gifts".
Wolverine: Plus I'm 150 years old. Do you know how many jobs I've had?
Ryan Howard: No, I don't.
(Cyclops shoots laser out of his mask and it hits Ryan, destroying him and leaving a hole in the wall)
Wolverine: In the world of sales, you've got to know things. You also have to hustle and be able to control the weather.
Phyllis Lapin-Vance: Uh, how does that help with...
(Storm summons a lightning onto Phyllis, shocking her)
Phyllis Lapin-Vance: No further questions.
Wolverine: So here's the deal. Whichever team outperforms the other team gets to stay.
(Scene goes to Kelly Kapoor in an alone room)
Kelly Kapoor: At this point I don't even want to stay. But that Cyclops is cute.
(Scene resumes to Wolverine in another room)
Wolverine: Let the games begin.
(Scene goes to Pamela near a print machine)
Pamela Halpert: Paper jam!
(Jim comes with a screwdriver to fix it)
(Dwight Schrute runs in)
Pamela Halpert: I need this to go to shipping.
(Dwight runs with paper)
(Scene goes to X-Men team)
Jean Grey: I need a staple remover.
(Wolverine cuts it and removes staple)
(Nightcrawler jumps in)
Jean Grey: I need this to go to New York.
(Nightcrawler poofs out of existence, all the way to New York)
(Scene goes to Rogue and Storm)
Storm: Rogue, touch one of them so you can absorb their knowledge of the office.
(Rogue touches Meredith Palmer and absorbs her)
Rogue: Suddenly I'm depressed. I don't feel like doing anything.
Meredith Palmer: Honey, come with me. I've got just the thing.
(Scene goes to Andy and Iceman)
Andy Bernard: You'd like 37 orders? Excellent.
Iceman: Better freeze him in his tracks so I can catch up.
(Angela Martin runs in)
Angela Martin: Forget it, pal. I'll give you a cold stare like you've never seen before.
(Angela begins her cold stare which freezes Iceman. Ouch!)
(Scene goes to Stanley Hudson and Beast doing crossword puzzles)
Beast: You know, I've never been able to finish one of these.
Stanley Hudson: Probably 'cause you're working too hard. Gotta spend more time focusing your thoughts.
(Scene goes to Wolverine in an alone room... with Jim)
Wolverine: My team is getting destroyed!
Jim Halpert: Actually, it's a lot cuter if you say it like this: "Can you believe my team is getting destroyed?" (Shrugs hands)
Wolverine: (Facepalm) Aargh! You even give testimonies better than us.
(Scene goes to Cyclops without his visor)
Cyclops: (While knocking stuff down) Where's my visor? Where's my visor?
(Scene goes to Dwight Schrute wearing Cyclop's visor in an alone room)
Dwight Schrute: I've written enough Sci-fi fan fiction to know when a cool trade is in order.
(Scene resumes to Dwight's glasses on table)
Cyclops: Oh, here it is.
(Cyclops picks up Dwight's glasses and automatically shoots laser out of his eyes, making a destruction on his team's property.)
X-Men Team: (Screaming)
(Scene sees a boom in front and when it goes away, we see Nightcrawler holding a surrunder flag for the X-Men team)
Wolverine: Well, I guess I know who my new team is.
(Scene goes to the Office cast wearing costumes with hero/success music playing)
(Scene goes to Wolverine in an along room)
Wolverine: But let's face it, those members rotate so often, who can keep track?
(Scene resumes to Wolverine and the New X-Men team. Also hero/success music is still playing)
Wolverine: Never forget, your job is to sell paper, take inventory, and of course, defeat Magneto.
New X-Men Team (Office Cast): What?
(Scene goes to Magneto appearing and getting ready to attack)
New X-Men Team (Office Cast): AAH! IT'S MAGNETO!
(Back to Wolverine in an alone room.)
Wolverine: That's what she said.
- When Jo Bennett spoke in the Video, she had a dog behind her.
- In this segment, Wolverine was wearing a tie.
- The two people who were fired or eliminated from the Office was Oscar and Ryan.
- In all, there were seven scenes where people spoke in an alone room.
- The sign at the door says Munder Difflin. However in the Office, it says Dunder Mifflin.
- The cup Wolverine had near the beginning at the title where he put a trophy of himself said "World's Angriest Boss."
- At the title, Wolverine cut off part of the e in "Clawfice."
- In all, three people from the Office got hurt, Oscar, Ryan and Phyllis.
- There was eight (including Wolverine) X-Men members vs. nine Office Members.
- When Wolverine grabbed Oscar, Wolverine's right glove was blue instead of yellow.
- How did MAD get away with saying "That's what she said"? WE WANT ANSWERS! NOW!
- Antagonist: Magneto
- Although Storm said that selling paper just has to be one of the X-Men's "gifts", it really isn't.