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The Buzz Identity is a crossover between Buzz Lightyear and the Bourne Identity.

This segment is from MAD Season 1, Episode 17: The Buzz Identity / Two and a Half Man.

Summary

The coolest toy ever gets his memory erased. Who is he and how does he know karate? Why does he know Spanish?

References

MAD References

Characters

Transcript

(Scene begins at that one point in Toy Story 3 where the Sunnyside toys attempt to reset Buzz.)

Lotso: I'm afraid you know too much, Buzz.

Buzz Lightyear: You'll never get away with this, Lotso! Pixar movies are sad in the middle, and sometimes at the beginning, but never at the end!

(Lotso snaps his fingers. Big Baby comes in with a screwdriver)

Buzz Lightyear: Wait! What are you doing?!

Lotso: Hmmm. "Resetting your Buzz Lightyear."

(Big Baby removes the screws and is about to switch Buzz from "Play Mode" to "Demo Mode".)

Buzz Lightyear: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(Buzz ends up being reloacated in a bath tub, unconscious. Along sails a Fisher Price ship.)

Blue Sailor: Whoever he is, his batteries are gonna rust if he's left in the tub too long.

(Buzz has been lifted up into the sailors' boat and placed on a bunk.)

Red Sailor: Not bad for two guys with no arms.

[POW!]

Amnesia Buzz: (Attack mode) Who am I? [WHAM!] I have no memory! [KICK!] Who are you? [SLAP!] What's my name?

Blue Sailor: We don't know. It wasn't... on your underwear.

Amnesia Buzz: Oh no! ... You checked my underwear?

(Title Card: The Buzz Identity)

Amnesia Buzz: Can you tell me who I am? All I have on me is this serial number.

Hamm: It says you are Buzz Lightyear of Star Command.

Amnesia Buzz: "Lightyear"? What is that? Dutch?

Hamm: You're also coming up as Tim Allen, Scott Calvin and the Shaggy D.A. (Screen reads "ALLEN, TIM", "CALVIN, SCOTT", and "YIKES".)

Amnesia Buzz: Well, I'm either a secret agent or a mediocre actor with no talent for choosing mo--

Spanish Toy: (Translated from Spanish): Perdoné. (Pardon me.) Dierius te la tiempo? (Do you have the time?)

Amnesia Buzz: (In Spanish): Desculpe, yo no hablo Espanol. (Sorry, I don't speak Spanish.) (In English) *Gasp* (Ay Ay Ay!) I DO speak Spanish! (Si hablo Espanol!) Why can I hablo Espanol? (Porque puedo speak Spanish?) I can has Spanish! (????????????)

(Two cop toys walk in, with the intent of apprehending Buzz. Big mistake.)

Amnesia Buzz: Ay. Mucho poopoo. [POW! KICK!] Spanish and karate? Whoever I am, I am AWESOME!

Jessie: Yodel-lay-hee-hoo! Come with me! You'll be safe.

[Pan out to reveal cop toys everywhere in the place]

Amnesia Buzz: Nice try, honey. Almost had me with that yodel too. Got me right here. (Buzz pushes a large red button which activates the suit's flight system.) Wings? I must be able to fly. To infinity, and- something... or other.

(A truck hits Buzz, blasting him off to Ken's house)

Ken: Good to see you again, Buzz.

Amnesia Buzz: How do you know my name? Did you look at my underwear?

Ken: My name is Ken. We work for Mr. Lotso and you are a Space Ranger.

Amnesia Buzz: I don't understand any of this.

Ken: Relax, let me get you some cake from my "Malibu Ken - It's Okay for Boys to Bake Too Oven".

Wheezy: Psst. Everything Ken told you is a lie.

Amnesia Buzz: Even the cake?

Wheezy: No, the cake is real and extremely rich - but you're not a space ranger, you're a toy! Andy's toy! And we need to get you out of here!

Amnesia Buzz: A toy? This couldn't get any weirder.

(Oh, but it can. Buzz is taken away by the hand of Jason Bourne out of the Play City)

Matt Damon/Jason Bourne: Back off! I'm Jason Bourne, and I can turn this toy into a weapon if I need to!

Amnesia Buzz: Okay, it just got weirder.

Julia Stiles: Awww! Is that a Buzz Lightyear? I used to sleep with one of those when I was little.

Amnesia Buzz: Keep talking...

Matt Damon/Jason Bourne: Take that!

(Matt/Jason throws Buzz at the two, only to duck in time, leaving him flying straight into a wall)

Amnesia Buzz: I knew I could fly! To infinity-- [CRASH!]

(After that pointless extravagansa of wierdness which resulted in a blackout, Buzz wakes up from his insane dream in bed)

Buzz Lightyear: What... What happened?

Woody: You took quite a spill, pal. We were worried about you.

Buzz Lightyear: I had the weirdest dream that... I was in The Bourne Identity! Lotso, you were there, and you were there too, Ken! And Matt Damon, you were there and Julia Stiles, you were there. But then you weren't really in anything after that. I don't know why, 'cause you were great in 10 Things I Hate About You.

Lotso: The important thing is it was all a dream, and you're awake now!

Leonardo DiCaprio: ...Or are you?

(Leo spins the top, putting reality to the test. Everybody's heads turn into Leonardo DiCaprio heads, then characters from the end of The Wizard of Oz, then Snow White and her seven dwarves.)

Talking Top: Man, am I dizzy! [HURK!]

(Segment ends)

Trivia

  • Wheezy talking about the cake being real and extremely rich is a reference to the infamous "The cake is a lie" meme made famous by the game Portal.
  • Antagonists: Amnesia Buzz (till the end when the Amnesia is gone at the end), Leonardo DiCaprio and Talking Top.
  • Innuendo: One of the sailors said: "It wasn't...on your underwear" that means he saw his "private part". After Julia Stiles says that she used to sleep with a Buzz Lightyear toy when she was little, Buzz replies with "Keep talking...',' meaning that he thought she was referring to sexual intercourse.
  • "I can has Spanish," means, "Puedo tengo en espanol," in Spanish, and the "I can has" part refers to the "I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?" Cat meme. Also, what Buzz says while seeing the cops is"Ay! Mucho poopoo," meaning, "Oh! Much poop," in Spanish.
  • The instructions for how to reset your Buzz Lightyear are:
    1. Open the Back
    2. Push the Switch
    3. That's All
  • Hamm sounds very feminine in this sketch, and Woody sounds little, if any, like Tom Hanks. Later appearances by Woody and Hamm saw them voiced by Tom Hanks and John Ratzenberger impersonators. And they sound pretty good!
  • It is odd how Wheezy made an appearance. In Toy Story 3, it was said that he was sold at a yard sale, and not sold to Sunnyside. Along with the fact that Wheezy states that Buzz is Andy's toy when, while technically true, Andy gave him away to a little girl named Bonnie.

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