Edward and Jacob are re-imagined as nerds on a sitcom.
- the Vampire Diaries
- the Simpsons
- Diary of a Wimpy Kid
- the Jetsons
- Ashton Kutcher
(Segment begins with Edward Cullen)
Edward Cullen: I'm in love with you, Bella. If only I knew how to talk to humans.
Jacob Black: Would you please not write your diary on the giant chalkboard?
(Edward Cullen blushes while the crowd laughs)
(The scene goes to the opening title with faces and Edward and Jacob fighting each other and the them with Bella sitting)
Narrator: (With opening title) ♫ Vampires, werewolves, fighting over pretty girls, it all started with a big fang. ♫
(Title card: "The Big Fang Theory" with a wolf howling offscreen)
(Scene resumes to Jacob and Edward)
Jacob Black: The chalkboards are for equations to solve problems. Like mine.
(Scene goes to the chalkboard with Jacob's equation, which said "Bella + Edward - Edward = Bella + Jacob?")
Crowd: (Laughs when it goes to "Bella + Jacob?")
Edward Cullen: Hey, is that your tail?
Jacob Black: What? Where?
(Jacob hits Edward with tail accidently)
Jacob Black: (Chasing his tail) Oh, I'm gonna catch the heck out of that.
(Edward hits Jacob with pan knocking him unconscious. Also crowd laughs)
(The scene goes to a moon with food (Peppers and tables) flying)
(Scene goes to Bella and Edward walking to her)
Bella Swan: Ugh. Is this still broken?
Edward Cullen: Oh, hey, Bella. Do you want me to carry you?
Bella Swan: I guess so.
(Edward takes Bella and takes her from the 1st floor to the 3rd floor. Also the crowd laughs)
Edward Cullen: So, uh, you want to- you want to, like, go out for dinner?
Bella Swan: Ugh. That sounds so lame. So sure. Why not?
Crowd: (Short Laughter)
Edward Cullen: Great. I'll meet you back here in a minute.
(Edward goes through the door leaving a bat symbol on it. Also the crowd laughts)
(Scene goes to Edward, in a tux, putting on perfume that makes him handsome. Also the crowd laughs when he looks handsome)
Jacob Black: Where are you going? A mope in the woods?
Edward Cullen: For your information, I have a date with Bella.
Jacob Black: What?
Edward Cullen: I asked her to dinner, and she said- and I quote- (Sounding depressed) "Eh, why not?"
Crowd: (Laughs when Edward said "Eh, why not" in a depressed way)
Edward Cullen: Heh. See you, wolf butt!
(Scene goes to Jacob Black as Edward walks out)
(Scene goes to the same moon again but this time with sausages and cheese flying.)
(Scene goes to Edward and Bella in a table at the dinner)
Waiter: So that's an order of hot broth for the lady, and for the gentleman, absolutely nothing.
(Waiter walks away)
Waiter: (Talking to himself) Really glad I came in tonight.
Crowd: (Short Laughter)
(Mysterious dog falls between Bella and Edward. Also the crowd worrys)
Jacob Black (Dog): (he uses his tail to hit Edward, again) Rello. Ran I write your order?
Edward Cullen: Jacob?
Jacob Black (Dog): (Gasps) Row'd you rnow?
Edward Cullen: Uh, because other than natureboy Ric Flair, you're the only other guy I know who could turn into a wolf.
(Scene backs out to the people of the restaurant)
Ric Flair: Whoo!
Waiter: You know, you can also just ask for the check.
(Scene resumes to Edward and Jacob (Who is still in wolf disguise))
Edward Cullen: Now get out.
Jacob Black (Dog): Make me, deadwad.
Edward Cullen: (Growling)
(Edward and Jacob begin to fight on the table)
Bella Swan: Stop it.
(Edward and Jacob stop and Jacob spits out apple. Also crowd laughs)
Bella Swan: I- I'm...(Sighs)
Edward Cullen: See? She's choked up with love for me.
Jacob Black (Dog): No. She's conflicted because she really loves me.
Bella Swan: No, I'm bummed because I'd rather be working with Ashton Kutcher.
Ric Flair: Whoo!
(Crowd Laughs and segment ends)
- The chalkboard at the beginning said "Vampire's Diary", not to be confused with the Vampire Diaries.
- In the opening title, the faces with symbols went as the following:
- Edward with bats
- Jacob with bones
- Bella with frowny faces
- The chalkboards beside Edward, Jacob and Bella in the opening scene said "I ♥ (With an arrow on it) Bella>" and "Bella + Puppies" with a puppy beneath it.
- There were 14 crowd laughs in all and one crowd ooh.
- When Jacob showed his equation, music from MAD Rebus Sentences is playing.
- Bart Simpson appears writing something when Jacob showed his equation.
- There was a sign on the broken door that said "We're too lazy to fix this."
- When Edward copied Bella's quote he said "Eh, why not" when Bella said "So sure. Why not?"
- When the dog (Jacob in disguise) took Bella and Edward's order, he sounded like Scooby-Doo or Astro from "The Jetsons".
- Also when the dog (Jacob) comes on the table and asks for Bella's order, it resembles Scooby-Doo and the Curse of the Lake Monster.
- At the end of the episode Bella's line was, "I'm bummed because I'd rather be working with Ashton Kutcher.", but in the promo for Episode 24, her line was, "I'm bummed because I have to do more movies with you two."
- In the Simpsons, Bart wears a red shirt and blue pants and shoes. But in this segment, the colors are switched, so in this one he's wearing a blue shirt and red pants and shoes.
- The Big Fang Theory is similar to the styles of, which include:
- Instead of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, it was called "Diary of a Wimpy Vampire."
- Second time Diary of a Wimpy Kid was renamed, the first was 2012 Dalmatians.
- The Big Bang Theory was spoofed again in The Big Bird Theory.