It's a classic tale of America's greatest giant ape president.
- President Linkong
- Thaddeus Stevens
- the Iron Giant / Mecha-Thatcher
- General Lee
- Mothra Washington
- Twin Girls
[Gettysburg, Thursday, November 19, 1863. Every citizen of the United States are gathered here for this historical moment as the Presidential Train arrives, whistling. The people anticipate this era's current President's speech that will go down in history... though not the way you might remember it.]
Citizen #1: I can't wait for President Lincoln to address the citizens of Gettysburg.
Citizen #2: Quiet! There he is!
Citizen #1: I keep forgetting how tall he is.
Linkong: Four score and seven years ago...
Citizen #2: I keep forgetting his voice is so high.
Citizen #3: I keep forgetting he's a 20 ft. gorilla!
[That's right, ladies and gentlemen: Abraham Lincoln, in the form of King Kong, addressing the citizens of Gettysburg.]
Linkong: ... And that government of the people, by the people, and run by a giant monster ape, shall not perish from this earth!
[Linkong goes ape, unleashing a monster roar and pounding his chest]
Citizen #3: How else are kids gonna be interested in a movie about a dead president?
[Title card: Linkong]
[Inside the White House. Mr. Steven guides Linkong throughout the hall, decorated with portraits of US Presidents, then and now, to an oversized "Presidential Cabinet" door.]
Steven: Mr. President, Congress doesn't trust your ability to lead. For one thing, look at your Cabinet.
[Steven opens the door, revealing that Linkong's "Cabinet" is the Lost World, populated by T-Rexes, Pteranodons, oversized snakes and giga-sized scorpions.]
Linkong: Now, Steven, it's important [Picks up Steven] to fill yer team with people different opinions - a team of rivals, if you will.
Steven: Sure, but... they're just trying to eat you.
[Linkong diverts his eyes to a growly T-Rex gnawing on his arm.]
Linkong: Hmm, yes. [Puts down Steven] Gimme one moment, will you?
[Roaring with fury, Linkong pummels the T-Rex on the head until the dinosaur falls back whimpering. Linkong takes his top hat off and puts it under Steven, covering him]
Linkong: Can you hold it for a sec? [To the Cabinet] Anyone else got some different opinions?!?!
[The presidential ape jumps into the Cabinet jungle and commences beating the prehistoric snot out of the T-Rex. While the beating is in progress, the hat moves away from the door.]
Steven: Help. I can't breathe.
[Eventually, Linkong ends the fight by giving the T-Rex a Jawbreaker.]
[Scene: Outside the Parliament. Linkong and Steven discuss further outside.]
Steven: Congress will never back your bills if you don't spend more face time with them. Let them get to know you.
Linkong: You're the Marshal, man!
[Inside the Parliament, Congress is in session. Everybody present were discussing about the current political situation... when Linkong enters stage right and peeks in the window. Linkong bashes his fist into the window, breaking it and inflicting everyone massive hysteria, then pulling out three Congressmen in his grip for a little... up close and personal meeting.]
Linkong: Hello, Congress, I'm the President!
[After a short paralyzed pause, the three Congressmen scream in terror.]
[Fade in to Appomattox Village, April 9, 1865, where Linkong, who is eating a banana, Steven and the citizens of Appomattox awaiting the arrival and surrender of Confederate General Robert E. Lee.]
Steven: Mr. President. Pay attention. General Lee is about to arrive by train to offer his surrender. All you have to do is nothing.
Linkong: Nothing? That I can do.
[Linkong finishes his banana and throws the peel away and on to the rails. Heckuva time for the train carrying General Lee to come in. In a large-scale application of the classic banana peel gag, the train slips on the peel, catastrophically derailing it, while the crowd looks on in horror and Linkong opens up another banana and gets to chowing. General Lee first sticks his arm out, then climbs out of the window.]
General Lee: Oh, that is it, man! The surrender is off!
[The citizens of Appomattox Village shoot menacing glares at Linkong, clearly unhappy with the national slipup the gorilla has made.]
Linkong: Wait, what?
[Cut to Steven, brandishing his torch, and two of his Congressmen wielding a pitchfork and an axe.]
Steven: President Linkong, we've had enough of you. It's time for an impeachment.
Congressman: A Pitchfork Impeachment!
[The rioting citizens charge towards Linkong, who dashes away. He eventually makes it to the Washington Monument.]
Linkong: You'll never catch me once I climb DC's-- [At a loss for words] ... tallest... thingie...?
[The angry mob catches up to the ape president. Linkong makes a climb for it... only to find out the Monument is still under construction.]
Linkong: D'oh, right! They haven't finished it yet! I hate living in the past!
[Just when things couldn't get any more hectic, in swoops and lands Mecha Thatcher to spice things up. A real bad omen for the citizens of America.]
Steven: AAAAAH! It's Mecha Thatcher - from Season 3 of MAD!
Citizen #4: Of what?
Steven: Just roll with it.
Mecha Thatcher: In the name of England, I, Mecha Thatcher, declare these states recolonized!
[And with that, Mecha Thatcher commences her assault to once again trample America beneath her metal feet, opening fire with her heat vision. Results are expected: heavy destruction, citizens fleeing in horror, complete chaos everywhere. Her heat vision eventually connects with the House of Congress, blasting it into a smoking ruin. Horrified, Steven and the Americans now have Linkong to look up to in this darkest hour...]
Steven: [Demoralized] Not Mecha Thatcher! Please, save us, Linkong!
[Cut to Linkong, standing defiantly on the still-unfinished Monument, delivering a speech... before eventually leaping into battle for the future of the US of A.]
Linkong: The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget [Battle Mode] that a giant ape is about to fight a robot lady! AND IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME!
[Leaping off the DC Monument (Yep. Still unfinished.) with hostile intent, Linkong lands on Mecha Thatcher and lands a three punch combo on her before the Iron Giant Lady responses with a throw, sending him flying on the Monument and firing off a heat vision burst, one of the shots barely missing Linkong as he evades. Seeing the Star Spangled Banner, Linkong rips the flagpole off its post and uses it as a staff, blocking Mecha Thatcher's pummeling each motion. The Eighth Wonder of America uses Old Glory as a lance and stabs it straight into Britain's Iron Giant Lady, her eye pupils shrinking out of pain. Mecha Thatcher grabs the flag pole, and then rather... unwisely impales herself further. The damage was too much for Mecha Thatcher to stomach, suffering a complete systems shutdown á lá Terminator, and collapses on the floor, with the Star Spangled Banner flying in the air in triumph. His job done, Linkong proceeds to the Lincoln Monument, wading through the pool.]
Twins: President Linkong defeated Mecha Thatcher, crushed the Robot Rebellion, and signed the Emancipation Proclamation.
[Cut to side view of Linkong making his leave, with the two twin mini-girls on a top hat narrating.]
Twins: They say "History is written by the winners." But the truth is: it is made up by us. Tiny twins who can also summon Mothra Washington. [One short pause later, the Twins sing the summoner's song.] ♪ Ley-la... Ley-la la la la... ♪
[Cut to the full view of Washington DC, in the aftermath of the Linkong vs. Mecha Thatcher battle. There is flaming carnage everywhere. And then in flies Mothra Washington, screeching in the air.]
Twins: ♪ Ley-la... Ley-la la la la... ♪ They're kids, folks. Gooootta keep it interesting.
- President Linkong is voiced by, in case you hadn't noticed, Gilbert Gottfried!
- At the end of the sketch, the Shobijin from 1961's Mothra (plus their various appearances in several Godzilla films) appear, narrating the epilogue and summoning Mothra Washington. Mothra flies on-screen, with authentic chirps.
- Coincidentially, both Mothra and King Kong appeared in Godzilla movies as Godzilla's opponent.
- This is the 43rd segment that the name of a MAD parody is said.
- Ironically, one week after the MAD Season 4 Premiere, the real Margaret Thatcher died on Monday, April 8, 2013 where another episode of MAD Season 4 has been premiered (Pokémonsters, Inc. / Bane & Kate). Margaret Thatcher, we bet you're in heaven right now looking down on us. You shall return, Mecha Thatcher! And when you do, Linkong won't stand a chance!
- Unusually, in one scene, the Lincoln Memorial is seen across the reflecting pool.
- The skit breaks the 4th wall 2 times: one when Steven asks how kids are gonna be interested in the movie about a dead president and another when he notices Mecha Thatcher.
- It is still unknown what makes the characters of this skit think Lincoln is a kids' movie.