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This segment is from MAD Season 2, Episode 4 (30): Pirates of the Pair of Tweens / Konan the Kardashian.
Conan the Barbarian settles down with a nice woman and takes her last name Kim Kardashian.
In the 5-second Cartoon of the segment, we start off with Lamar Odom, still in the blue dot dark background and still is not talking and looking confused.
- Kim Kardashian
- Khloé Kardashian
- Kourtney Kardashian
- Rob Kardashian
- Scotty McCreery
- Beverly Hills
- Lamar Odom
- Kris Jenner
- Bruce Jenner
- Grauman's Chinese Theatre
- Edward Asner
- Governor of California
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
- Conan the Barbarian (1982 film)
- Apple Inc.
- Conan the Barbarian / Konan the Kardashian
- Akiro the Wizard
- Kimberly "Kim" Kardashian Humphries
- Khloé Kardashian Odom
- Kourtney Mary Kardashian
- Robert George "Rob" Kardashian, Jr.
- Man with Sunglasses
- Lamar Joseph Odom
- Kristen Mary "Kris" Jenner
- William Bruce Jenner
- Khalar Zym
- Governor Man
(Scene begins with a door, with Conan the Barbarian slamming it open... preparing to find Khalar Zym and wipe him out. However, Conan's path will merge with a woman of the Kardashian variety.)
Conan the Barbarian: I seek the location of Khalar Zym, the brutal warlord that wiped out my tribe. What do your mystical waters tell you?
Akiro the Wizard: "Mystical waters"?! This is potato leek soup! (Akiro the Wizard sips his potato leek soup with his wooden ladle.) Mmm. That's good leek.
(Scene zooms in on Akiro as he pulls out his phone)
Akiro: Now, let me Google this Khalar Zym guy. (But, he actually reads what's on Wikipedia.)
(Scene goes to Conan the Barbarian while Akiro the Wizard googles Khalar Zym on his phone making beeping sounds)
(Scene goes to Akiro the Wizard and the camera zooms in on him and creates a red dark background)
Akiro: Conan! It has been foreseen by Wikipedia that your path will merge with a powerful woman. You will join with her, and you will fulfill your destiny!
(Scene goes to Conan the Barbarian and the scene suddenly zooms out and the background stops being dark red)
Conan the Barbarian: Is it Tamara? (Grabs Akiro) Tell me, or I shall drown you in your savory sagent fused creamy broth!
Akiro the Wizard: Close! It's--
(Scene goes to the wall in which it bursts, revealing Kim Kardashian standing there with a pink background)
(Scene goes to Conan the Barbarian still holding Akiro the Wizard and camera zooms in on Conan the Barbarian)
Conan the Barbarian: Kim Kardashian?!
Kim Kardashian: I guess we're like, destined to be married.
Conan the Barbarian: But that would make me...
(Scene goes to the title card "Conan the Kardashian" with a "K" falling on the "C" making it "Konan the Kardashian")
(Scene goes to the outside of Kim Kardashian's house and inside is Kim Kardashian and Konan the Kardashian sitting on the couch.)
Kim Kardashian: So, like, I guess you should meet my sisters Khloé and Kourtney since we're best friends, (Scene zooms in on Kim Kardashian) and it's also the premise of our TV show.
Conan the Barbarian (Konan the Kardashian): Very well. (Scene zooms in on Konan the Kardashian and the background turns dark red again) Bring me to your family, so they can judge me, as Crom will judge me in the afterlife!
(Scene goes to Konan the Kardashian's face and then camera slowly zooms out to show Robert, Khloé, Kourtney, and Kim Kardashian sitting in the same table while a gong is heard ringing)
Khloé Kardashian: So, you like Chinese?
Konan the Kardashian: Love it.
(Scene goes to Konan the Kardashian alone in a room with a blue dot black background)
Konan the Kardashian: That was easier than I thought. Despite the blood that stains these hands from the horrible deaths that I've wrought, they seem to like me much more than that Scott guy. (Scene goes back to the table but camera is zoomed in on Rob Kardashian)
Rob Kardashian: So, Conan, what do you do for work? I sit by the pool all day and mooch off of others.
(Scene goes to Konan the Kardashian making circles with his sword and background turns dark red again)
Konan the Kardashian: I crush my enemies, see them driven before me and hear the lamentation of their women!
(Scene backs out to show the Kardashian family still sitting at the round table and background stops turning dark red)
Kourtney Kardashian: I don't know if they have a job like that here in Beverly Hills. Oh, wait. There's one!
(Scene goes outside to a Man with Sunglasses spinning his sign around)
(Scene goes to the right to show Lamar Odom come from the door in which the bell makes a ring sound)
Lamar Odom: Sorry I'm late.
(Scene goes to Konan the Kardashian stand up with a close up)
Konan the Kardashian: Behold! A warrior from Hades!
(Scene backs out to show Lamar Odom walk up to Khloé Kardashian who puts her arm around him)
Khloé Kardashian: That's my husband, Lamar.
Konan the Kardashian: Forgive me. You are a giant I... mistook.
(Konan the Kardashian sits down and camera zooms in on him)
Konan the Kardashian: Pray tell, what songs do they sing of your exploits?
(Scene goes to Lamar Odom who looks speechless and confused)
(Scene goes to Lamar alone in a room not talking and just looking around with the same blue dot black background from before.)
(Scene resumes to the outside of Jenner's House and inside is Kim Kardashian sitting down with Konan the Kardashian)
(Scene backs out to show the Kardashian's parents)
Kim Kardashian: Conan, these are my parents.
(Scene zooms in on Kim Kardashian's parents)
Kris Kardashian: Conan, you'll fit right in in this family. I mean, heck, your name already starts with a "K".
(Scene goes to Kim Kardashian and Konan the Kardashian getting up from the chair)
Konan the Kardashian: Actually, it's, uh...
(Scene goes to the phone speaker who made a ring sound)
Unknown Speaker on Phone: Kris, you have some perfumes you have to smell.
(Scene goes back to Kim Kardashian and Konan the Kardashian, the latter of whom knows that voice all-too-well...)
Konan the Kardashian: I recognize that voice!
(Scene backs out to show all)
Kris Kardashian: That's my new assistant, Khalar.
(Scene goes to Khalar Zym by the doorway)
Khalar Zym: Uh, did you say come in?
(Scene goes to Konan the Kardashian)
Konan the Kardashian: (pulls out his sword by reflex) Khalar!
Khalar Zym: Conan. (Scene backs out to show all) We-he-he-he-ell. This is awkward.
(Khalar Zym runs away and leaves all his stuff behind)
(Scene goes to Konan the Kardashian, Kim Kardashian and Kris Kardashian)
Konan the Kardashian: Excuse me. It was lovely meeting you all, but now, I must straight up kill your assistant. (Konan walks out)
(Scene goes to Khalar Zym and Konan the Kardashian fight with swords outside of the Jenner's house. Also they both grunt)
(Scene goes to Khalar Zym and Konan the Kardashian fight with their swords outside of Hollywood)
(Scene goes to Konan the Kardashian and Khalar Zym fight outside a churros stand. However, they both break their swords)
Konan the Kardashian, Khalar Zym: Huh?
(Konan the Kardashian and Khalar Zym throw their swords away and use the churros as swords to continue the fight and also start to grunt again)
(Scene goes to Grauman's Chinese Theatre where people are cheering and Konan the Kardashian and Khalar Zym still fight)
(Scene zooms in on them and Khalar Zym throws Konan the Kardashian to the ground)
Khalar Zym: Have you any last words?
Konan the Kardashian: By the power of the god's crom, Mitra... (Konan picks up Ed Asner's star) And Ed Asner, (Konan the Kardashian gets up) you shall fall!
(Konan the Kardashian throws the Ed Asner star towards Khalar Zym)
Khalar Zym: Aah!
(The Ed Asner star hits Khalar Zym and makes him disappear and after that people start to cheer)
(Scene goes to Konan the Kardashian and Kim Kardashian walk towards him)
Kim Kardashian: Conan, you did it! You beat my mom's assistant!
(Governor Man walks up to Konan the Kardashian and puts a banner around him)
Governor Man: On behalf of California, I pronounce you governor.
Konan the Kardashian: I cannot accept it. My place is beside Kim.
Governor Man: No sweat, we'll just give it to that guy.
(Scene goes to the Man with Sunglasses still spinning his sign and the segment ends)
(Scene resumes with Lamar Odom who is still not talking and looking confused in the blue dot dark background)
- Akiro the Wizard's phone had a skull on the front, which is similar to Apple.
- There were three times where a dark red background appeared.
- Goof: in real life, Akiro the Wizard didn't appear in the 2011 movie.
- The houses we saw were Kim Kardashian's house and the Jenner's house.
- The magazine on Kim Kardashian's hand said "Conan Weekly".
- There were two (Not counting the 5-second Cartoon) times where Konan the Kardashian and Lamar Odom were interviewed in a dark blue dot background.
- Spy vs. Spy writing appeared on the building where we first saw the Man with Sunglasses spin his sign. Also, the building had a "MAD" sign in the front and side looking very big.
- The sign the Man with Sunglasses hold said "Hollywood Celebrity Tours".
- Bruce Jenner did not speak or move anything at all in this segment, and neither did the guy at the churros stand.
- This is the fourth time an R-rated film got parodied on MAD. The previous ones were:
- The four places Khalar Zym and Konan the Kardashian fought were:
- Outside the Jenner's house
- Outside of Hollywood
- Near a churros stand
- Near Grauman's Chinese Theatre
- The sign around Konan the Kardashian's body after he was announced Governor said "Governor Konan".
- Konan elected Governor of California was similar to Arnold Schwarzenegger who served as the 38th Governor of California from 2003-2011.
- Antagonist: Khalar Zym.