Two and a Half Man is a take-off of Two and a Half Men.
This segment is from MAD Season 1, Episode 17: The Buzz Identity / Two and a Half Man.
Summary[]
It's a sitcom with everybody's favorite duo... and a centaur!
References[]
Characters[]
- Charlie Harper
- Alan Harper
- Jake Harper
- Peter Griffin
- Mr. Tumnus
- White Witch
- Mythical Creatures
Transcript[]
NOTE: All *s mark something Jake says, translated.
(Alan reads a magazine called MAD's Mike and Polly. Charlie's car CRASHES in.)
Alan Harper: Charlie, you're just getting in?
Charlie Harper: BURP!
Crowd: YEAH! WOO-HOO!
Alan Harper: Man, you live like an animal.
Charlie Harper: (Presses his car beeper) At least I have fun. You haven't lived since your summer in Narnia.
Alan Harper: Yeah, and look what it got me!
(Cue the centaur Jake.)
Jake Harper: [neigh] (I hate you!)* (He falls down the stairs and kicks Alan.)
(Two and a Half Man, after the title card)
Jake Harper: [neigh] (This title card STINKS!)*
(Cuts to the kitchen)
Alan Harper: For the last time, there is NO WAY you're having a party in this house!
(Jake throws his food.)
Jake Harper: [neigh] (You're so unfair...)*
Charlie Harper: C'mon, let the kid off the leash, or whatever centaurs wear. (Jake throws Charlie's food onto Alan.)
Alan Harper: He's my son and I say he's too irresponsible to have a party! That would be more stupid than the time Jonah Hill tried to eat a plane.
(Scene goes to Peter Griffin.)
Peter Griffin: So that's what that looks like. Heh.
(Back to the kitchen.)
Charlie Harper: How's the kid ever gonna grow up to be a stallion if you keep treating him like a pony? (Whacks Jake into the floor)
Alan Harper: Charlie, the kid can't be left alone. He chews on the furniture, poops on the floor...
(FART!)
Charlie Harper: Actually, that was me.
Alan Harper: AND he's spooked by loud noises.
Charlie Harper: Oh, speaking of loud noises, have I shown you my official World Cup vuvuzela? (Gets out the World Cup vuvuzela. He breathes into the vuvuzela, then blows)
Jake Harper: [neighs while beating up Alan] (Oh no, loud noises! It's CLOBBERING time!)*
Alan Harper: Oh, oh, uh. Why would you do that?
(FART!)
Unseen Character: The pain!
(Scene goes to Charlie and Alan. They come home from the hospital. Alan has all bones but 48 broken. Charlie still carries his official World Cup vuvuzela.)
Charlie Harper: Look on the bright side, Alan. There are still 48 bones in your body that weren't broken.
Alan Harper: Yeah, I suppose it could be worse. He could have thrown a giant party full of mythical creatures while we were at the (Goes in the house. BIG party.) hos..pi..tal.
Mr. Tumnus: So I go "Yeah, those were bubbles, but this ain't no hot tub!"
(They all laugh, then Mr. Tumnus punches the mouse to the wall.)
Alan Harper: First he breaks my clavicle, and then he breaks my heart!
Jake Harper: [neighs and breaks the Narnian cheese platter] (Woah!)*
Charlie Harper: Aaaaaaaand your priceless Narnian cheese platter.
Jake Harper: [neigh] (I'm sorry!)*
Alan Harper: Don't give me that "You're sorry" routine! Go to your stable, young half-man! You can come down when you learn how to be responsible.
Jake Harper: [neigh] (But you never gave me the chance?)*
Alan Harper: Well, that is true. I've never given you the chance to show how responsible you can be.
Jake Harper: [whinny] (You don't love me.)*
Alan Harper: No, Jake, I just don't want you to turn into your Uncle Charlie. (Zooms out) Where is he, anyway?
(Outside. Charlie's with the White Witch.)
White Witch: My home is a frozen fortress guarded by giant wolves and filled with the petrified statues of my enemies.
Charlie Harper: You had me at "frozen fortress". Can I should you my vuvuzela? Wait, where is that thing?
(Back to inside. The lion breathes...)
Alan Harper: Oh, nuts.
(...then blows the vuvuzela)
Jake Harper: [neigh, he destroys Alan again with his stomping] (THE VUVUZELA AGAIN! IT'S DESTRUCTION TIME FOR THIS HOUSE!)*
(End segment.)
Trivia[]
- The music that plays during the title card is the same music from "Mice Who Forget Cheese" and "Caller ID" from Episode 4.
- Jake Harper said the Thing's catchphrase in horse language, "IT'S CLOBBERING TIME!".
- Antagonists: Jake and Alan Harper
- Jake like a centaur only neighs, however, centaurs know clearly speak as humans.