- Opening theme*
Colonel Miles Quaritch: Welcome to Pandora. This is a Na'vi avatar. They are fierce and they are savage. Just don't tap on the glass, cause it freaks 'em out. [Cat Yowls] Now, the guy who was scheduled to take this avatar died from a cat allergy.
Jake Smelly's brother: Ah! [Splat]
Quartich: So instead we're going with his brother, Jake Smelly.
Dr. Grace Augustine: Is that the best the military can do?
Quartich: Well, we were gonna send the A-Team, but they wouldn't fit in the pod.
B.A. Baracus: Ooh I pity the pod.
Dr. Grace: Uhh, better send Smelly.
Quartich: Man your pod, Smelly, and good luck.
[Title comes up with Jake Smelly na'vi's eyes "Avaturd"]
Jake Smelly [With Australian accent]: Wow, I look just like the Na'vi. Dr. Grace how did you duplicate them so perfect-
Dr. Grace [as a m&m]: What? It took a few tries to get it right, ok? Luckily everything on this planet is- [Gasps} [pointing at creature] Blue! Run Jake!
Dr. Grace: [Farts] uhh. I think i just crapped in my shell.
[Blue chases Jake Smelly's Avatar]
Neytiri: [punches Blue with a stick, Grunting]
Jake Smelly: Obviously you're more of a cat person.
[Neytiri jumps down]
Neytiri: I am Neytiri of the Na'vi. We are a peaceful clan who are at one with nature.
Jake Smelly: Clearly.
[Scene goes to Blue who is badly damaged and insects buzzing over it]
Neytiri: These are my people. We live under the tree of souls with our clan leader, our spiritual leader...
Neytiri:-and our music leader.
[Keyboard Cat plays a song]
[Jake Smelly goes down]
Neytiri: Everyone's a critic.
[Scene goes back to Pandora]
Jake Smelly: Why did you bring me back?
Parker Selfridge: To remind you, your mission is help us obtain this precious mineral known as stupidnamium.
Jake Smelly: Stupidnamium? What moron came up with that?
[Scenes goes to Alfred picking studpidnamium out of the 3 words.]
[Scene changes with a cat saying meow]
Neytiri: In order to fly, you must join with the banshee that chooses you.
Jake Smelly: How will i know which one chooses me?
Neytiri: It will try and kill you.
["Terminator" - like music plays]
Jake Smelly: I got him when he wasn't looking.
Neytiri: That's not exactly what I meant, but the job is done.
[Scene changes with a cat saying meow]
Neytiri: Your initiation is finished.
Jake Smelly: Is that ceremonial paint?
Neytiri: No. It's Banshee poo. It's all over the place, and we don't know what to do with it.
[Banshee poops on Neytiri's face]
Jake Smelly: I---I must confess something Neytiri. This body is just my avatar.
Neytiri: Where is your real body?
Jake Smelly: Safely protected in the transpod.
[Scene goes to Parker writing stuff on Jake's face.]
Jake Smelly: Everyone, listen.
I know I've been here for 3 months and probably should have mentioned this earlier, but the sky people want to destroy your--
[laser shoots structure]
tree. Guess I should of put that on top of the list.
[Scene goes to Jake Smelly's To Do list. Also Na'vi are grumbling]
Quartich: Step aside, Smelly. You had your chance.
Jake Smelly: Is that your latest military robot, Quartich?
Quartich: No. It's the Bluetendo actually. Got it for my birthday.
[Scene goes to the Bluetendo whirring and then punches Jake]
Jake Smelly: Uhh!
[Jake crashes to his human body]
Human Jake: [Moans and hugs Na'vi Jake Smelly]
Quartich: Hello, Kitty.
Quartich: You can hiss all you want, but I'm protected inside this robotic suit.
Quartich: [Opens door] I said--
[Arrow hits Quartich]
Quartich: Oh. I see what happened.
[Bluetendo crashes on Jake]
[Neytiri hugs human Jake]
Human Jake: I see you.
Neytiri: I see you
Human Jake: No, Get me to the ICU.
Neytiri: Oh. Uh, of course.
[Scene goes to the Na'vi praying Jake Smelly]
Papa Smurf: You saved us, Jake Smelly, and as a thank you we will make you our king.
[Rafiki holds up Jake Smelly, light shines on him]
[Scene ends with Keyboard Cat playing a song]
- Animated Marginal*
Spaceman: This is one small step for..... Aw, man, Houston we have a poo-poo.
Alien Dog: Blubloblubloblubloblublo.
Announcer: Tired of getting haircuts that don't get you noticed? Introducing the Bieber Bowl! The new hairstlying bowl that will make you from being just out to Justin! The Bieber bowl's special pattened design allows you to just bop, bowl, and you're biebered! Just look how adorable! Plus if you like it, we'll send you a new bowl each month. So you can look like Zack, Moises, That guy, Blondie, his brother, and him. So start shampooing now. The Bieber Bowl! Our operators are waiting to adore you. Also available in adult sizes.
Tree: Aw, that looks great man! She's gonna love that tattoo!
Announcer 2: Transformers! You have your favorites, but here are some rejected ones that didn't make the cut. AUTOPOT!
- Autopot jumps making man get splashed my hot water*
Announcer 2: MOWERTRON!
Mowertron: I will destroy the *cough, cough*
Announcer 2: Headgear, the orthodontic transformer.
Announcer 2: And click, the transformer who can hide anywhere.
Man: Honey have you seen the remote?
Woman: Have you checked under the sofa cushions?
- Click kicks man*
Announcer 2: Rejected transformers! Now you know why they're less then meets the eye.
- Mad paper*
Singer: Rapunzel, rapunzel, let down your hair, so that I may climb thy golden stair.
- Singer climbs up only to find Rapunzel is really ugly*
Announcer 3: Disney's directed DVD presents...
Bambi: I miss you mom.
Thumper: It's good to share your feelings.
- Deer arm appears out of grave*
- Bambi's mom comes to live*
Announcer 3: Zombi.
- Animals run*
Thumper: My heart won't stop thumping.
Skunk: I think I just skunked myself.
Hunter: What the?
Announcer 3: For a limited time only.
Hunter: I didn't mean anything by shooting you, it's just a sport.
Announcer 3: Because pretty soon this DVD goes back into the vault.
Bambi: Go get him, mom!
Announcer 3: Zombi! Part of the Fawn of the dead DVD collection.
- Bambi's mom groans and girl screams*
- Mad paper*
Announcer 4: It's time for Celebrity Birthdays! Today's celebrity birthdays include Spongebob's own Mort Jenkins! Before landing the boat as jellyfish #56, Mort was hired to build sets for the local production of the sting! He got bit by the acting bug, and the rest as they say is fishtory! And let's give a big birthday cheer to Evelyn Crawford, better known for her leg acting in the Tom & Jerry cartoons. Finally, Ernie Zacks, the stunt double for both Zack and Cody on the suite life on deck turns 53 today! Go get em Ernie!
- Ernie winks*
Announcer 4: And that's today's celebrity birthdays!
Mom: Seven, whoop go to jail!
Dad and kids: Oh no!
- Police siren*
Dad: Looks like Mom is going to jail everyone!
Mom: What the?
Mom: No. Wait. There's been a misunderstanding. I need to call my lawyer!
Dad: Alright Larry, your turn.
Announcer 5: It's time for another round of where's Lady Gaga? Lady Gaga has decided to attend this high school pep rally. Can you find her? Is that her? What about here? There? Could it be? What about here? There? Nope, there she is.
Mad mad mad mad mad mad!
- Surgeon turns on light and starts doing surgery on pumpkin*
Pumpkin: Huh! I love it!
- Spy vs. spy music plays*
- Black spy is seen on a tree sitting next to a bomb, but white spy puts a helmet over the bomb.*
- White spy climbs in tank and drives by, and black spy lights bomb, but only drops the helmet.*
White spy: Wahaha!
Black spy: WAHHH!!
Black spy: AHHHH!!!
- White spy shows peace sign and chuckles*
- Animated marginal begins*
Tarzan: WHOOOAAA! WHOOOAAAA! WHOOOAAA!
- Dog eats him and animated marginals end*
Bobby: Huh, we did a lot today.
Susan: Huh, We sure did.
- Sinestro appears*
Sinestro: Spreading things to other is not healthy.
Bobby: But I-
Sinestro: If you made Susan here yawn, it means you're contagious.
Susan: Bobby, Johnson, you gave me yawn.
Bobby: What should we do?
Sinestro: Well, for five dollars and can cure you with my yellow power ring.
Both: OK! Thanks Sinestro!
Sinestro: *zaps kids and they explode* Heh heh heh, suckers!
[Scene begins with the CSI group at a restraunt wirth electric guitar playing]
Horatio Caine: Lieutenant Horatio Caine, CSI.
Joe Williams: Manager Joe Williams, TGIX. We found a dead body at table 6.
[Scene goes to dead man, with a guitar chord playing]
Horatio Caine: All right, we're gonna need this place emptied out.
Restaurant Worker: Hey everyone, we're gonna sing the birthday song.
Restaurant Worker: Works every time.
Calleigh Duquesne: Headquarters is sending over another team to help. Something about injecting new blood into a tired old fossil.
Carly and Sam: We're Here!
Horatio Caine: Who are you?
Carly: I'm Carly.
Sam: And I'm Sam.
Freddie: We're shooting a web series.
Horatio Caine: Shooting it? [Puts on glasses] I'd say it's dead.
[title appears "CSiCarly" with the iCarly gang riding and Freddie screaming.]
Sam: What's your problem, Freddie?
Freddie: He's standing on my foot.
Horatio Caine: Sorry about that.
Calleigh Duquesne: Let's get this guy in a body bag.
Carly: Why put him in a body bag when we can put him in a ...
Carly and Sam: Noodle Net!
Calleigh Duquesne: That's Disgusting.
Carly: He's gonna be surrounded be worms soon anyway.
Walter Simmons: [Slurping] Mmm Tasty.
Calleigh Duquesne: How 'bout you guys start looking for fingerprints.
Sam: I found 10.
Calleigh Duquesne: You know, if you stopped goofin' around, maybe you learn something. The victim is an old man who--
Sam: What are you doing?
Calleigh Duquesne: Taping myself.
Sam: Maybe I can help.
Calleigh Duquesne: See, now that's the attitude.
[Sam tapes Calleigh with police line]
Calleigh Duquesne: [Muffled Yells]
Horatio Caine: Everyone, Please. Maybe it's best if we split up.
Carly: Great, We'll take the upper right part of the screen.
[Scene divides to each group finding clues. also electric guitar plays during this]
Carly and Sam: We figured it out!
Horatio Caine: Was it the fish?
Carly: He was 95 years old.
[Scene shows the dead man's license. also horse neighs]
Sam: Happy birthday, dead guy.
[Scene shows balloons falling down while Carly plays a noisemaker]
Calleigh Duquesne: So we can go home?
Walter Simmons: Not before we have dessert with our new partners.
[Carly and Sam grunt]
Horatio Caine: In that case, have the cobbler.
Horatio Caine: [Puts on glasses] It's to die for.
[Title appears again "CSiCarly" with the iCarly gang and Freddie screaming]
Horatio Caine: Sorry, I have big feet.